i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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