This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
