I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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