If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
