Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
