I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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