trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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