Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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