Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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