I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
