he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
