Moan for me like Helen Keller
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
