is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
