dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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