alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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