hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
