he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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