a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize