I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
