Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
