you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
