I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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