Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just high enough for therapy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
