How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
