u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
