What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
