Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
