My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
