I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
