FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
