I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
