i jhust puked up my retainher.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
