just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
