I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
