boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
