i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
