3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
