I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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