There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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