Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
