the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
