The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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