were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
