when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
