He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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