Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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