What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
