I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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