Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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