I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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