Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
