Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
