New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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