He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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