I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
