i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize