he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
