No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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