my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize