2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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