So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
