i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
