you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
