does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
