Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
