I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
