I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
