Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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