The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
