i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
