I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
