Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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