Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
